popping soon..

heylo everyone... todae was a very fruitful but tiring day for me... today had emo talk with virtually the whole squad. it was really fruitful, cuz we juz blurted out what we are not happy abt. it was really emotional, with alot of people breaking down, i nearly broke too, but i somehow held back. hope this session really brings us back together as one, and not be break apart with 1 month left to go. we come as one, we leave as one... dont wish to elaborate abt the details of the talk, cuz its supposed to be private.

people's perception: a zai or legendary squad is about being tip-top in events you organize, for example, xity venture or whatever shit... but for me, the most impt thing a zai squad shld have, is squad unity... no matter how screwed our planning of events are, no matter how screwed are we in others minds, at least we will be able to brave thru anything. thats what we were all time trying to achieve, arent we? people may say we anti-social, but thats us, we do things together.

didnt add in alot of things, cuz i think the mood is not right anymore. i juz want to say that, its normal tt people suan.. it the same to me.. people always call me bugs bunny or sth... i juz simply laugh it off.. i dont want to take offence, i dont want to emo becuz of that, cuz it will hurt our friendships, in the first place, they didnt mean any harm on purpose. at first, i cant take it. but after these few years, i feel its nothing compared to the friendship we have, if everytime talk, also muz be very serious, then life will suck completely. i have learnt to see and take things openly le, i hope it applies to you also. juz look on the bright side of life and everything will be fine.

yeah then its abt the first class. potato said that first class means no shit, it cant give you a living. but i feel, as DI with the passion area being drills, it means a great deal. hearing him say tt, it hurts a great deal. i may appear to be fine on the surface, but in my heart, its a big hole leaking, and its not stopping. i need time. for a DI to get over this, it needs loads. in front of you all, i may appear to get over it le, but i can guarantee one thing, its not that easy, i juz don't want you'all to see me emoing over that. i dont want to spoil the mood... as i said, i juz cant emo in front of you'all. its juz not me, is it? my impression is cheerful and happy, and i will not change it.

haha you may not think that im not that kind of person tt think alot, but... when im alone, i tihnk a lot. i reflect, on my own actions. yeah and i meant what i said juz now, if god wants me to sacrifice my 1st class for our frendships, i will do so without hesitation.. lol but i guess i have no right to say these stuffs now, cuz i have not even manage to attain the badge.

sorry for my this super long and emo post... but this is the only way to write i feel now.

-the ending means the beginning of a new chapter.

cats.. err manners?

lol guess what i saw on my way home todae? in the middle of the road at the carpark.. there were two cats, one male and one female and guess what they were doing? i leave it to your own imaginations to think what exactly happened.. lol first time see this things, quite de amusing though xD

hmm nothing much happened in school todae... still the exhaustive lessons that tempt me to go to sleep =DD haha think that time travel faster now leh.. maybe its my hallucination but lessons get past very fast nowadays.. lol as usual, my partner beside me is always sleeping hahaha..

these few days, so many things crop up... shld be abt one month left to pop le... then suddenly so many lame problems start popping up? do you'all want a happy pop? some are really those usual suspects that don't care abt anything except mug.. zzz ahhh i really hope to have a happy ending to my 4 years in npcc, a real memorable one.

zzz then tmrw will have to for aar after abt 5 months from camp. lol crap alr promised someone to go somewhere... zzz caught in the middle agn... walao i tot have no trg on friday de... sianz hard choice to made. which will i choose? but i alr promised... haiz. i hope you wouldn't be angry with me? =((

- you reap what you sow

SPF PICS

its the first time im up loading photos lor... haha really treasured those moments... maybe last moments le.. damn funny terence the pic on a person called lim jun song derek... LOL hope you enjoy the pics.

ceremony....

hmmm gonna talk abt yesterday first bah..

okay so yesterday was the spf ceremony bah... haha saw haojie... SI seh so qiang... haha and he is like damn tall from what he was when he in primary school. back to the point... was damn nervous... haha starting act like i very composed lor.. haiz but in the end, was overcome by my psychological barrier... walk up the stage... like literally whole body was trembling... didnt want to be the joke of the year lor... haha so in the end, passed my 5 secs of glory. after that was some photo montage, lol my pic become the one beside me the picture... zzz screwed lah.. then terence pic appear 2 times...zzzz sianz i tot i could see my own pic... nvr mind... cant do anything abt it also.

then after that went to down for reception... haha took alot of photos.. like frenzy cuz everybody's mood was damn high =DD... haha then suddenly mrs chew appear out of nowhere... haha like ceremony alr over lor... haha at least she came =) then frenzy photo taking agn.... nice one everybody! after that unit cheer... haha that ends off our joyous day. then when we were walking out of sch.. suddenly gt what olympics torch crap... i think started by ken.. then we leo, dt me and ken raced to the gate with a fake torch in our hands xD

kkay then talk abt today.... its some volleyball competition at dunman high.... we went in a relaxed mood... haha cuz we like thinking juz play for fun. woah we got past the first round cruising past vs 20-12.. haha didnt expect us to be so strong... then came the conspiracy... in the other semi finals match, the teams played 25 points... while we played 20!~! zz knocked out by bartely lor.. crap... then asked the dhnpcc people... then they say they also dont know =.= ahh nvm we tot we could still win 3rd... zz then when we tot it was 25 points, it became 20 agn!!! what the? zzz like tio scammed the feeling... nvr mind, a lose is a lose. nonetheless, it was a great job well done.

these days, i juz simply cannot be silent or emo in front of my frends.. dont knw why.. deep down my heart, i don't feel like talking... lol but i juz cannot simply dao them bah.. its juz not me in front of people. when i emo, people think i crazy.. lol >.< maybe it means nothing in your eyes, but nvr attain that thing means a great lot to me. no matter how hard im trying, the leaking hole in my heart can't be stop at the moment.

haha juz now got some incident, felt sourness... haha so like very weird feeling... haha nvr mind lah, juz abit sour only.. =))

-no matter how hard one try to glue back a broken object, the cracks will remain forever.

most unlucky day.

yeah basically today was a damn sad day for me... i soaked some part of my little pillow juz now... yeah juz couldn't control my emotions any further.

to start things first... i juz want to say, i have already taken the first step. if you still don not want to forgive or extend your hand... i cannot do anything... so if you want to dao me, go ahead... i cant force you also what.. but at least i can give my self a vague smile and say 'well, at least i tried'... maybe you really dont want me as your frend, so be it. but what i want to say is, you will always be a great frend in my mind.

kkay after that, it was some volleyball trg whereby our team captain pangseh us.. dotz then have to go train ourselves lor... then went to buy a cup of grape juice or sth... then the yongjie, rammed the ball into me... and my whole cup spill. my whole pant is like soaked. yeah maybe due to the mixture of everything, i blew off. sorry yongjie for using you as a chu qi tong. =((

yeah before that incident came a terrible news. to me lah, personally. this time round, only 3 of our squad people will be getting the first class drill badge... cuz only they passed the thoery paper. they are namely, jason, ken and bryan... gratz anyway. so thats it. im now a DRILL INSTRUCTOR, without the 1ST CLASS DRILL BADGE. yeah im downright shit. shitty piece of asshole there tying to be a DI without the highest attainable drill badge. yeah fish it... so now what i muz get ready to face... is the mockery from people... those words like ' haha no 1st class, what kind of DI is this.' okay i will get prepared. maybe its a tradition bah... every batch will have one DI without 1st class.. but i broke the tradition maybe in some way, cuz im like the first SEC2DI without first class. yeah im not fit to be one, if you want to put it direct. ... the feeling now im experiencing is like the time when i didnt get promoted when i was sec2. yeah same old feeling.. but somehow, this hurts more now, cuz it is leaving a very great thorn in my heart... juz when i tot i could end my npcc life without any more regrets... maybe god wants to make fun of me bah... fine so be it. still want be DI, im not even fit to stand in front of anybody now. i am more like a lousy instructor forcing my cadets to have good drill standard when i am showing that i am not good in drills.

only two words are surfacing on my mind now: fuck it...

-maybe it was wrong right from the start

erm.........

sometimes really cannot think of a title to put... haha so juz anyhow put lor.

these few days quite a few things happened... quite unpleasant... dont wish to elaborate on it anymore, cuz its partly my fault.. am i gonna lose such a great frend like this? shitty scenario to imagine being in one. i don't wish to give any more excuses le, i juz wanna say sorry. =( tts all.

okay basically today had 1st class drill test theory paper... lol i think i screw the whole paper le. like i left out 6 marks. then got some qns i check with others... lol all different de.. zzz good game. like some of the qns i bullshit de.. cannot figure out how can so many marks like 25 be awarded for one qns lor.. haiz nvr mind.. DI nvr get 1st class.. very throw face seh.. crap ah dont care liao. also no use now. its over.

shall not blog further, cuz i abit de no mood. partly becuz im sleepy bah. juz thinking what i have been hoping to achieve when i did those things.

- crying over spilled milk

Time Machine...

time flies, isn't it... gonna blog about what happened these few days bah.

FRIDAY>>>
should be the last official trg for us le bah... cuz the rest of the days are bombarded by the cadets' mastery reviews and PNCO thingies. yeah kind of felt really emotional and depressed. maybe becuz i have not prepared to let go? or am i juz not being able to bear the pain of the partings? drills session.. some part of really very encouraging.. at least most of them are putting in the effort now bah.. tried to control my feelings ytd.. got some parts i nearly cried.. but well, i controlled it. don't know what will happen to me on the actual pop day which can be anytime soon. maybe this is another sad reality about being a squadleader bah.. cuz the kind of feeling.. you juz cannot bear to part. how i wish time can rewind... while i listen to 回到過去 by jay chou.. furthermore... pop also signifies that most of 29th batch is gonna part. the times where we played soccer and basketball like we give no shit to anyone.. where we were scolded and pumped together... where we supported one another in some way.. ahhh eveyone in the squad, braving together... maybe i should leave this part to the actual pop day bah.

then after that got store inspection by yan hao and yijun sir. erm... quite the lame... ask us what is the command for inspection.. then we said.. then they said we all wrong, then tell us to ask jiahan sir.. in wich jiahan sir said out what we said... >.<" lol dman crap... basically is getting sadisticed by them lor... shout until like your lungs are gonna burst anytime. maybe what they are saying is true and enlightening, but their way of putting it across it seriously wrong.

SATURDAY>>>
then came ytd... when we went to support the npap parade. which is like crap? initially, we offered to keep thier bags with us.. but they treated as if its their right for us to safekeep their bags.. lol crap. for your info, it was a privilege! zzzz and i really wonder if they have a watch? the gathering time was 3pm.. and we still have people strolling in at 3.30pm? ... but was very pleased with a RI cadet; he was really polite and respectful of us. really zai! so glad to see such a cadet now, when other cadets dont give a shit about others.

then was the npap parade.. lol we went there to stone for like 1 hr before the parade started. crap. but nvm... haha this year the turning out guard abit different... cuz there were more instruments! not like last year whereby we only had one la ba... haha this year parade dont knw.. abit not as grand as last year, abit not as smooth as lsat year... lol even the standard of the CIs dropped lah.. the contigent commander of the GOH was adjusting..! omg. haha but really feel very sorry for mr chen. cuz he was the AC of the area... and we had to hurry him back to school cuz he was the officer incharge of our bus. zzz sorry mr chen... he couldnt even have time to enjoy his food lah..

then on the bus back.. an incident that cuz so many of us to be enraged. there is this guangyang cadet is like so freaking disrespectful? treated the bus as if it was his? shouting like some mad dog with his frends and shouted like vulgarities? then we asked him to stop spamming his vulgarities. he said sorry very sarcastically... then suddenly he turned back and stood up, saying: erm if you want to complain, complain to mr yong, oc of guangyang.. my name is andy lau. lol i know your won;t believe this, but his name is really andy lau! LOL hahaha damm joke. he is like a coward, but still want to act gangster in front of his frends.... lol furthermore, he was frm NPCC leh.. omg and the 7 of us on baord the bus ytd were all staff sergeants, and what is he? cadet... then he still dare to take back like this.. really no medicine for him le. zzz spoilt our royal rumble mood haha.

- there is never a never-ending banquet

CHEM

heylo, lol... seriously damn weird saying this word. anyway... tmrw is training. finally can go.. shit but need to do maths hw.. or else mrs tan dont let me go.. zzzz

have been wondering if its really that good to have subject teachers as form teachers. becuz often, for example, carpe diem or contact time periods will be somehow transformed into a chemistry lesson miraculously. dotz the freaking problem is, don't she feel sianz? everytime come in, then act until like nothing happened and just happily change the period to her own very subject. crap. maybe to her delight that she can have more time with us? but... WE DON'T for heaven sake. and you know what? one of the 'subject' chapter which is considerably impt, is given to us to self study?! what the...? if self study, have one teacher there for what? (i nvr said the ic i want hi!card i buy for me) lol erm yeah? omg and i cannot believe that im actually having olvls this year with such teachings lah. >.<" kkay, maybe she is really concern about us? but her method is wrong somehow.

yeah tmrw is maybe my last trg with my squad le. as in, cuz PNCO is coming real soon. and they still have exams somemore. yeah kind of feel sad, .... times really fly bah. i really think so. in an blink of an eye, its so near to pop le. so near to parting with my own squad and my batch. and my cadets. no more legalized times, fun times with 31st batch-29thbatch; no more chance to guide them on. it is life isn't it?

-time and tide wait for no one.

This is crap.

hmm i just realize i havent been updating. lol so i officially will start reblogging now, cuz i changed my comp... now it has to depend on my mood xD

first thing first... gonna talk about CV 08. i juz feel that sometimes what you see on the surface does not mean what is the actual truth. its juz if you have been noticed. yeah so juz trying to say that: before flaring up and kpkbing us, you have to ponder if we are really the ones that shld be houndered at. zzz at times, i tihnk the upstairs are really lame; i do not know what is exactly going thru their brains. i really do not know what is the point of pointing out and suaning us about our mistakes when the whole freaking event is over? then say what best batch of ncos, you think we don't understand sarcasm? crap. think twice if you think you are really that zai. to me, people are considered zai only when they help others and share their zainess. (and i dont think playing chess while we are chionging is considered zai)

today went for spf briefing. we all thought that the briefing would be like damn long. but it turned out that it was only 5 slides. =.= then the rest of time is like waiting in details for your turn to get filmed by a camera... dotz when there are like 160 students? maybe thats the tradition for people to wait and stone and practically do nothing. maybe it trains out endurance and perserverance? LOL... then was pissed off by this lame officer i think. who ask me: did you iron your uniform? my reply was yes.. then she said: dont argue with me.... LOLOL... what the hell? am i arguing? i juz replied yes and she said i argued.. wtf lah, okay, maybe becuz im only a person with 3stripes and a crest on my shoulders? and she is like bigger than me.

i truely agree with what terence said: respect is earned, and not forced!!! having high powers doesnt mean what you do is always right.