yeah basically today was a damn sad day for me... i soaked some part of my little pillow juz now... yeah juz couldn't control my emotions any further.
to start things first... i juz want to say, i have already taken the first step. if you still don not want to forgive or extend your hand... i cannot do anything... so if you want to dao me, go ahead... i cant force you also what.. but at least i can give my self a vague smile and say 'well, at least i tried'... maybe you really dont want me as your frend, so be it. but what i want to say is, you will always be a great frend in my mind.
kkay after that, it was some volleyball trg whereby our team captain pangseh us.. dotz then have to go train ourselves lor... then went to buy a cup of grape juice or sth... then the yongjie, rammed the ball into me... and my whole cup spill. my whole pant is like soaked. yeah maybe due to the mixture of everything, i blew off. sorry yongjie for using you as a chu qi tong. =((
yeah before that incident came a terrible news. to me lah, personally. this time round, only 3 of our squad people will be getting the first class drill badge... cuz only they passed the thoery paper. they are namely, jason, ken and bryan... gratz anyway. so thats it. im now a DRILL INSTRUCTOR, without the 1ST CLASS DRILL BADGE. yeah im downright shit. shitty piece of asshole there tying to be a DI without the highest attainable drill badge. yeah fish it... so now what i muz get ready to face... is the mockery from people... those words like ' haha no 1st class, what kind of DI is this.' okay i will get prepared. maybe its a tradition bah... every batch will have one DI without 1st class.. but i broke the tradition maybe in some way, cuz im like the first SEC2DI without first class. yeah im not fit to be one, if you want to put it direct. ... the feeling now im experiencing is like the time when i didnt get promoted when i was sec2. yeah same old feeling.. but somehow, this hurts more now, cuz it is leaving a very great thorn in my heart... juz when i tot i could end my npcc life without any more regrets... maybe god wants to make fun of me bah... fine so be it. still want be DI, im not even fit to stand in front of anybody now. i am more like a lousy instructor forcing my cadets to have good drill standard when i am showing that i am not good in drills.
only two words are surfacing on my mind now: fuck it...
-maybe it was wrong right from the start
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