sorrie people, emo post on the way. =/ or rather just some heartfelt stuffs to share. xD

hmmm actually it has perhaps been going on in the hearts of many with the word 29th in their portfolio. erm, how do i start it? it has got all to do with your so-called unchangeable personality. numerous occasions, you emo or just hide yourself in the corner, WITHOUT NO APPARENT REASON. dots. and, the most impt thing is that, after that you can just come back to us like no damn thing happened.

that nite, when it was supposed to be jovial occasion for the whole lot of us to gather for the last time. but wth? your ruined it, completely. caved in is what you call it? shit you, did you ever cared about why we even stayed there in the first place? if we didnt treat you as frend, nobody will give a shit if anything happened to you; like so much things happened. it has always been our fault. we always have to appease you, like what britain and france did to hitler. seeing your post on your own blog about that nite, i grow even more ...... up.

i have enough of it, stop making yourself look all that mighty and great; stop acting hard to get and be a spoiler. you are just a human, just like the rest of us. we dont have to give in to your idiotic personality, or rather, perhaps just me. wts, i admit i once regarded you as my great pal. but now, i just cant make it like nothing has happened. i cant just fake like very good with you, then at that back keep stabbing you. i want to have a stand. this kind of frendship is so fragile, i would rather give it up. whats the point rite?

perhaps this post will signify the end of our frendship, but; i just want to make my point across. you are the one with the problem asshole, and i knw you wont change. do it your way.

-the deadly silence.

haha im quite lazy to blog these days, perhaps due to the overdose of the 'eat, sleep, play' policy. terrible implications i think, left me really like a wandering soul; i want to be a human! xD

anw, im currently setting some new year resolutions for myself. haha must give it a serious thought though, cuz i mean it this time. =)

on a side note, just now watched the singapore lions vs the vietnam ?????. haha idk of any nicknames of them, and what i can think of are quite...... bad? haha so decided to leave it like this. =P the result was 0-1... although we lost, we put up a good fight lions! =))) and noh alam shah caught my eye. i think he really quite zai. idk how to describe him, but the truth is i like his playing style and fighting spirit! always not giving up and fighting for every ball. aware of some negative stuffs about him, but who cares, he is my learning example from now on. =DD next up on the soccer marathon is arsenal vs liverpl. liverpl will win? we shall see hahahah

-the deadly silence.

puzzled. emotional turmoil. should i? or should i not? someone help me please. maybe you have alr made it clear to me, but i cant catch it; or maybe is i think too much?

- the deadly silence.

as promised, im here to blog. well, i also suddenly had the urge to blog as well. but dont expect a happy post, cuz its gonna be another emo and reality check post. =) haha anw, the ugly singaporeans' behaviour on public transport will be posted soon, still innthe midst of collating. xD

first thing, O LEVELS ARE OVER!~ haha i knw its quite lag. but it also leaves us aimless like some wandering ghost. everyday, wake up................... eat like some pig.............. then play like some mad dog. haha, this is perhaps what we wanted when the o's are going on, but now, quite sianz alr. humans are juz so weird, arent they? hahaha

kkay next is my results. haha im sure the results are not out, but a rough estimate. i can alr foresee it........... haha!
English- B3
HCL- B3
Combined Humanities- A2
Pure Geog.- B3
Add. Maths- A2
E. Maths- A1
Physics- A2
Chem- A1
Bio- A2

haha these are all worst case scenario bah. omg, that means my L1R5 is like 11! good game, my single digit dream is quite over le. zzzz reality check done.

these few days, is hardcore physical stuffs. like soccer at 10am which i always arrive sliggghhhhttttllly later. haha quite exhausted le, here pain there ache. maybe i shld start studying for my A levels? better to prepare early mah.

anw............. these few nights, i have always been thinking abt you. my dreams (or nightmares idk), it always revolves around you. why? i shldnt be thinking abt you, i shld be heckcaringly piaing my games and watching tv. arghhhh, i really dont knw. =/

- the deadly silence.

todae is farewell assembly. one word to surmarise it all- saddened. its supposed to be happy, but the joy is used to attempt to cover up all of our hearts' sorrow. for me personally, it juz came too fast. ill-prepared. i am now forced to part from my teachers.

WHY DO WE ALWAYS CHERISH ONLY AFTER WE LOST IT???!!! i hate myself, for falling into this trap.

always, without failing, think that mdm wong is wasting our time with her chinese lessons. keep on nagging at us, so fan2. great, now we do not have to listen to it anymore. we are free, happy now? zzz juz thinking of how much she has put in to the lessons with the amount of notes. we must be some brainless fools. realizing it now, whats the point? regretting now, whats the point? WHY? everytime sleep in lessons, she knws it. everytime dont pay attention and crap, she knws it. but she nvr reveal her sadness, and i have a part to play in this. and now, its time for us to understand, buts its too late. todae, on stage- tears filled her eyes before we knw it. she cried, she cried! its becuz she treats us her own kids, she 舍不得 us. it struck me, and hard. i couldnt bear to see her cry lah. like she is normally so jian1 qiang2. MDM WONG, SORRY!!! (if you come across my blog =)) you will always remain in my heart.

next is ms chong, we always keep kpkbing her for always koping other people lessons and extending lesson time. but have we tot that it is taking up her time also? mrs anna tan, mr danny tan, mr tan ping hock, mr jeffrey goh, ms lucy fernandez, mrs oh wee ming, mrs goh, mr fernanddez, ms chow. all their sacrifices for US, now then realize, seriously. i can only say sorrie. a very goodbye. sorrie for all the troubles i have caused, becuz of my freaking ignorance.

thank you teachers, for......
1) always being there when we are down
2) stopping us when we are going crazy
3) endless care and concern
4) guiding us along thru this unforgettable period
5) treating us like your own kids

we have to go, its painful but..... i will definitely remember all of you. ="( you will always be this pillar of support.

我真的很舍不得你们

- the deadly silence.

hurray! scriptcheck is over. haha lol the numerous hours of imba inside the hall is really crazy. it has like some kind of soporific effecct. haha overall for prelim3, some results are quite unexpected; but luckily its not those kind of 'negative' surprise. =P

kkay shall give a review of my results:

1) English- 75 (A1)........................... if plus oral from prelim2, 71 (A2)

2) HCL- 72 (A2)

3) EMaths- 77 (A2)

4) AddMaths - 59 (C5) OMG! i actually pass it >.<>

5) History Elective- 80 SS- 78.................. Combined Humanities- 79 (A1)

6) Physics- 83 (A1)

7) Chemistry- 82 (A1)

8) Biology- 82 (A1)

pure geog marks havent comeback yet lol. yeah so... haha actually geog like not much high hopes >.<

actually i also nvr expect to get A1 for my english =p. plus i nvr expect to pass my addmaths also. woah i think those that fail really need to drop leh, lucky!

wootz L1R5 for prelim3 is most probably 7!!!!! woah oh my, i cant believe it myself. but haha at least i achieved the target set. =) kkay shall go and finish the stupid piles of english work given by mr heng.

- the deadly silence.

omg!!! first good thing that happen to me these days----- liverpool won manutd 2-1!!! wootz! damn shiok. it could easily have been more. long time nvr see liverpool play this kind of exciting and entertaining football alr. haha was like screaming my head off. =p woah seriously, liverpl can get the title! the new signing riera also quite good, his dribbling and touch is like woah....... hahaha well, im so happy now rofl.

- the deadly silence.

zzz after a long week of hardcore ongoing exams, i tot i will be able to somehow be satisfied with my results. but sadly to say, my last exam of the week, left me with tears, in the heart. and its addmaths agn. yeah i muz agree that i have not been putting alot of effort to improve on my weakest link. yeah and im letting my maths teacher, mrs tan down. seriously she damn zai. but....... i dont knw. todae, like what the? the questions like cant be solve de. i left like countless questions blank. omg im only approximately 4 weeks away from my o's and.........

zzz im afraid i have to drop add maths. thats the worst nightmare to have, after taking that subject for nearly 2 years le. can i dont drop? woah later they say what: those who fail the paper HAVE to drop add maths. then im a gone case. this hurdle, when am i gonna ever pass it. =(( nono! i dont want addmaths to be my pan jiao shi!

and what mr teo said is really like so true. the teachers are as tired as us, but do we even try to care in the first place? from their faces, the smiles are like so weary.

haiz, i guess miracles dont exist.

- the deadly silence

hey quite fascinated abt how technology works nowadays. haha like so random, but in truth it owns. muz be going crazy i guess haha! =)

anw, i tihnk '我错过的爱', this phrase i cna finally understand. idk. juz my personal tihnking haha. seemingly, its becoming more like this. shld i even be having this tot at this point of time. but i dont knw, im feeling abit uneasy; abit 可惜. i dont even knw what exactly is this feeling, dont knw how to describe it. so unsure, its uprooting me. feeling distant from you, i can only blame myself; seriously.

argh, mentally exhausted. i shldnt even be thinking of the abovementioned lah. it muz be some random and out-of-sense thinking to some of you. haiz.

- the deadly silence.

haha i guess those who knw me will see disgusting rashes on my body tmrw. cuz.............. i freaking go use shampoo meant for the HAIR, to wash my body. zzz dont knw what i thinking sia. haha but who knws, it maybe even btr than washing with body lotion. =D lol i feel im giving excuses to pacify myself. =p

somehow, i feel mrs tan and i, the relationship deteriorating. dont knw, juz my personal six sense. she seems to be pissed with whatever i do. like todae, she go scold me and link to other things when i juz spoke ONE sentence to reply to clement's question. ..... argh dont care. i am juz gonna do my part.

things to complete todae:
1) A & E Maths Distinction Tests
2) History Elective at least 1-2 theme
3) Bio CHUNK of notes =p

- the deadly silence.

yo everybody, haha basically decided to rest a while from my daily 'hectic' mugging to come blog a while.

haha for my mugging part, quite the fruitful bah, i guess at least for ytd. however, fruitful is not equivalent to results. haha... things to work harder for now is, histroy elect! (woah this like havent touch yet xD); amaths! physics! haha if not sure gg de. especially for amaths. lol mrstan say this time muz get A2 for ADDMATHS leh. rofl. well, interesting challenge. =)

yeah and sometimes i seriously hate watching liverpool's matches. what a time waster lah! haha like stay up to 1+am juz to watch a goalless draw. and sometimes a losing match. haha naturally will get abit pissed de. xp as a liverpl fan, sometimes i cannot really figure out what rafa is thinking. playing those weird formations and players out of position. haha then, without gerrard and torres both out injured, its like sure either draw or lose. =(

then ytd's nite, i guess it wasnt a pleasant one. had a long talk with someone, in which the whole convo was so awkward with frequent long pauses. but well, one thing gained from that is that, some things cant be reverse no matter what. yeah, i juz have to accept that i had lost a great friend; someone who i once regarded as great buddy. to a reason idk. but since people wnat to cont like this, juz leave it bah. as much as i will cry and lament over this, he wont care anymore; as much as i will feel ke2 xi1 over this issue, he wont care anymore. i guess this is call si3 bu4 ming2 mu4. well, since he stated his stand so clearly, no point and no use in trying to revert this le. its over.

woah and freaking, ytd i step on my specs. walao, then the specs broke. zzz so have to wear contacts this few days. ahhhh suay. =P

- the deadly silence.

hooray! the FIRST part of the freaking prelim3 is over! but it was rather not a nice ending to the first part.... cuz i screw up the stupid human geog. crap haha like stun there when i saw the paper. xDD lol guess i have to work alot harder for my physical geog to pull my overall grade up =) haha and higher chinese paper was abit.... how to say erm i dont knw but i found it easy xDD lol i everytime say like that, in the end always flunk de >.<

haha well and juz now at the link from yishun northpt to the mrt station, there are two retards. are they retarded or what? stand in the middle of a very congested walkway there talking, blocking everybody's way in the process becuz they are so damn fat can? dotz seriously no sense of stupity. lol dont they feel abit awkward?

anw, haha the clifton. everytime alone with me then start to ramble some lame stuffs. zzz haha and he actually ask me to help him photocpy the history notes with my very slow photocopy machine. =.=" haha he very helpful rite. xD

- love that i miss.

haha seems like i have some time. xDD gonna blog abit bah. haha todae hcl was like quite screwed cuz i do the yi lun wen. wth? haha muz be out of my mind to attempt sth so crazy. ss wasnt as screwed as last time but i dont think i can get A1 =( cuz i have no time to finish the conclusion paragraph for my 2nd essay. 3 marks gone. zzzz haha

then sth dman funny happen. xDD as it was raining, then we waiting for taxi. wah wait very long le, finally saw one cab.. lol then the mao jia ji from 4-5 cut our queue. lol then he got what think is called karma. LOL he slip on the road while running towards the cab! xDDD lol like sliding tackle the taxi. dman funny lah ... haha he rocks can? xp

oh yeah ytd, as the whole lot of us went to eat after the prelim. haha i was approached by a man for CHARITY. and you knw what the man was doing? smoking. with tatoos all over him. lol then he said: eh give 2 dollars eh. rofl. woah i dont believe anyone will donate to him lah. xDD haiz, i doubt its really for charity also.

kkay going back to human geog revision le. gogogogo!~ =)

- i really think you, are love that i missed; shld i?

hmmm todae was the start of prelim3 with english language going underway. not gonna rate it or whatever le. haha cuz i have bad experience with rating. anw, juz feel that my situational abit off track. lol anw wont be blogging until the weekend bah, cuz i wont be coming online ={ haha cant focus. anw tmrw is SS, omg imba! havent finish memorizing eveything, guess i wont be memorizing le bah, juz haha knw the key concepts. =) lol and i cant believe hcl is tmrw as well. lol like nobody will study de lah, poor choice for hcl department, xp

tmrw will be the first hurdle of applying how much you studied. ahhh not gonna screw it up like prelim2 zzzz =) i hope. offline! xD bye

- dreams are free for those that have no mentality to work.

first of all, my dajie gave birth to a healthy and pretty baby girl on friday! went straight away after school to visit her. haha was and still is so happy. =) like i was with their family since i was 2 months old lor, so i call her my dajie! =DD gratz.

haha it has been an interesting day on friday. as usual i will try to get itnerestings that happened to blog. =DD

yeah and it will be abt clifton's invincible lameness. haha well here it goes.
i happened in the school bookshop after recess that day.....
clifton: eh those packet of sweets that have 'additional fruit juice added' or not?
me: yeah have, it got write tian1 jia1 guo3 zi1, you want buy ah?
clifton, rushing to grab one of the packets: woah nice! i wnat the packet with the tian jia guo zi!
then clifton grabbed excitedly one of the packets and was so happy that his packet was the only one with additional fruit juice (which is obviously not!). >.<" haha then we all burst out into laughter! so funny and lame. well, if you were at the scene, you would be rolling on the floor laughing. xP results guarenteed.

haha anw, on a more serious note, omg! prelim3 in 3 days! lol? one would be really stupid if he isnt even attempting to mug.

- there is no fools, juz lazy genius.

hmmm todae was oral. erm sorrie i mean english oral communication exams juz to specify. =) haiz it was a day of reckoning. and i think im such a goner. haiz i stumbled so alot. haiz, after like 10 mins, my whole 2 years of practice go to waste. =( lol.

well, i cant believe how i have the nerve to joke with the examiner. xD for eg, when the examiner asked abt what business will i like to take up, i said; "hmmmmm, seriously, i have not think of this question yet.' LOL? haha and i said the during the pic description that the game in it was 'eagles and the young chicks'... dotz i cant imagine lah. well all i can say is that the examiners are all very friendly for my case, in which one of the examiners is actually from npcc! haha =D

haha after that went to mos burger eat with terence and ken. and ken, as usual, made a such a big joke. due to content restricition, i wont blog it here, haha but you can ask me. haha ken seriously damn joker. xD

- no excuses can make up for time lost.

omg i juz discovered something more shocking, more shocking than clifton becoming serious and kian boon becoming lively. LOL anw, i found out that........... dots my tummy coming out! its not exactly obvious, but you knw, its currently forming alr. shit! oh nos, later i like some flabby pig. zzz i strongly belive this is a result of...

1) popping from my CCA

2) spamming chips and junks while studying

3) sitting too much around the study table

sianz, cannot cannot, juz cannot stand even that slight bulge. ahhh crap shall start exercising my stomach area the muscles. lol woah god save me man.

kkay back to studying but NOT munching chips. lol

- roma isnt build one day.

haha heylo everyone! <---------- bryan tan! LOL anw i have decided to make my blog more interesting to readers by quoting interesting things that are happening. =))

first of all, last friday something hilarious happened. during closing parade,

siming sir: eh woah your dont need to study for o's level de ah?

ken: ah dont need, i dsa rjc already (you can sense that he wants to get suaned)

siming sir: wah, you dsa using what? guinness world record?

LOL everyone burst out into laughter as everybody knew it was referring to ken's gigantic head that can beat any head size in the world. =DD

yeah haha then todae..... terence told me something. i wrote something regarding the fact that terence like syl*** on his table. then you know what he told me? LOL he said its supposed to be the other way round! lol meaning to say, its her who like him? hmmm interesting. xDD

well, kkay waste quite a bit of time here le, back to studying! =D

- i wish to be with you, forever.

hmmm wanted to blog a few days ago. but guess i have no chance. cuz i was chionging homework. lol like so unlike me rite? xD

okay well. it was thursday i think. i was quite emoing in class. and what a coincidence. such a thing happened. kkay. the whole thing is like, so dman trivial. juz me and melvin playing abit. its not like a heinous crime rite? zzz then mrs tan tot we having some wrestling match or something? =( dont tell me other class people dont play? (as proclaimed by mrs tan that 4-5 dont >.<) zzz then got scolded, like mad. i whole lesson practically got marked. i put down head for a while. then got stared and shouted at. lol? then i tot its over. baaaaaaaaaaaaaat, its not. then mrs tan called melvin and it to the front. then she ask melvin to carry. lol so i tot i not needed mah. crap. then she asked me go out. yelled at me. >.<" there was one part that i really not happy abt. she said im spoilt. its like what the? like how to say, i can safely tell people that im not spoilt lah. kkay, i have at least that bit of manners. that wtf? she juz spouted out that phrase like its not hurting at all. woah then she asked if im a single child. i felt like shouting SO? seriously. you mean all single childs are ill-bred? lmao. zz then she kept comparing me with melvin. say i what jealous of melvin having good grades. LOL? why must she always like assume? and treat things so seriously. i knw im not as hardworking lah. then after she walked off. she called me down to scold agn. >.< regarding the fact that why arent i sorry. lol. sorry muz say out then considered apologetic meh. and its not im like the people that dont dare to admit mistakes and dont dare to say sorrie one. then once agn, she assumed. say what i think people keep picking one me. I ALSO NVR BLOODY SAY THOSE WORDS LAH. zzz =(

and yeah, the above paragraph its not meant to target mrs tan or something. its juz what i feel. what the hell, she says im spoilt. thats like utter insulting. kkay maybe i really am? yeah and i dont knw, sometimes i feel mrs tan is very good and nice, then sometimes, she like this. alot of kinds of perceptions of her circulating arnd. but generally, i think she is a nice teacher, and zai. but now. haiz i really dont knw. like got one xin jie le. but well, i really wants to say sorrie to mrs tan; but i dont knw why that day i juz cannot say it out. can see mrs tan was really angry, sorrie mrs tan. ='(

well, i guess i juz have to submit my work promptly and not get into any trouble with her anymore. haha i finish EMATHS 2006 le! wootz thats like utterly impossible last time to be ahead of schdule xDDDD left addmaths 2006.

-am i really spoilt?

haiz, i juz feel awkward in whatever i do. as in like my heart and soul is out. lol. probably this is what you get when agony, frustrations and dejection come in place together. sianz.

did i not contribute? ahhhh i shldnt be thinking of this thing and juz feel happy for the 4 of them. why. ahh dont knw. i juz dont feel justified. this is probably the first time i dont look forward to NDP. but well, it cant be change, can it?

nothing is going well. im crashing. what am i doing? wheres my sense of direction that i previously had?

- give a man a fish, and he will throw it back at you.

zzz having those mixed emotions these days. probably becuz of they different things that have happened. =(

firstly, i guess its becuz of the service award for ugs. first of all, congratz to ken,bin,bryan and kah hoe for clinching that awards as npcc cadets! nice. but well, im not included. yeah, and you can ask anybody out there that nvr get it, it isnt exactly a nice feeling. yeah or rather, it sucks. okay lah, i can see people that deserve it nvr get lah. dont name people from np, daniel from nair; wenxuan from nland. im sure they have all made their contributions, noble ones i mean. ahhh for our cca, its pathetic. only 2 squadleaders get. LOL? hmmmm what does this mean? ="(

secondly, i see crap people getting DSAed into the top jcs lah. seriously, if they are nice nice people, i will still feel happy for them. but wth? they are like those ah bengs, or those people that dont give a shit abt studies. and there they have a place reserved for them. what logic?

yeah then. todae had a geog lesson with mr talib. he is so damn zai. compared to elaine goh. hes like omg! he makes teaching understandable and is truly zai. i dont how to describe his teachings lah, but you will knw when you attend his lessons. =) too bad he is leaving.

- the ups and downs of life.

was it a mistake on my part?

zzz i feel so sianz dealing with friendships and maintaining it. i treasure them.

crap sometimes, i really dont knw what to say. sensitive. when you say something, you still have to ponder over if it will hurt that certain guy. some parts of you, i sought of like hate it. but i cant say out to you, cuz you will gl me? everytime people leave me in the stage of jing4 tui4 liang2 nan2. 

what can it do? bushuang me? for making a decision? zzz then why not you juz tell me what i shld say to you, to let you feel shuang lah. fuck that.

- true friends always tell the truth?

hmmm todae had motivational talk by some guy from hatc. some parts really quite motivating and its real. its juz like some freaking weeks away! ahhh though im not slacking, but i am not putting in my full force i guess. well hahahah i guess its time! haha lol then the teachers came to scold us and kpkb. crap they think we like everyday sit there stone? okay maybe there are some idiots out there that are still treating olvl as a joke, but like dont need say until like this mah. diminished some of my fighting spirit can? >.<>

then juz now wait until like 6.30pm for louis to end his peer tutoring. then i realized he is alr at mrt when im in school! x((( haha lol but still managed to go home with him. xD yeah then we talk alot of stuff on our way back. haha some seriously alot of bullshit content x). but it sought of like lighten one's mood. thanks louis! =D i hope he feels the same. haha.

yeah then..... my nite is crazy! zzz #^$*^%*$*@*$$*^ the freaking cats below. zzz is like *cough* at this period of time? lol like everynite have to hear some weird noises. why muz they like choose this sacred period to mate? LOL disturb my silence can. haha abit distracted and unable to concentrate lah xDD.

arghhh no i havent finish my add maths 2004! haha and im still blogging. well well well, bye. =)

- gazing at the stars and wondering where will i land.

err dont knw what to say, cuz my mind like blank out now when i was abt to blog! lol haha so like virtually forget everything.

oh yah, juz now saw some students from also known as NSK by some people, lol one guy was like threatening to hit the other guy in the face over a girl. >.<" nothing better to do?

anw, no more reason to slack. last and final lap.

- blanked mind from studying.

well i like to apologize to the discipline teachers, for having such losers as their right hand man. =( cause prefects are losers, so are the councilors. sorry that i have to generalize, but yeah.

well for the prefects, they are such double sided bastards. they are simply cowards. its like wat the? yesterday during recess, i attempted to smuggle food (well this i admit is my fault). but wth? when the sport class people smuggled food and told them that they were smuggling by eating in front of the HEAD PREFECT AND EXCO, they did nothing! and they merely tried to act coward by claiming that: i cannot run faster than them lah, dont care. crap. losers. well what can you expect from the lot of prefects when you have this kind of LEADERS? zzz pissed. some still think its proud being a student leader in cat high. what the shit? 

yeah and i becoming more and more dislikeful of you. i juz feel that you and i dont click. you are so serious, talking to you, i still have to act serious (which is damn unlike me). i am sort of, like dont like you now. =( fuck it.

haha thats all for todae, gonna pia my homework le. no time to slack anymore. seeya!

- all i need is you, thats all.

kkay ytd, was like, end school at 4.30pm, cuz apparently the chem teacher didnt have a sense of time, zzz well.

but what the? i left school at 7pm. zz cuz nvr finish my addmaths 2003, so stayed in school to pia lor, haha at least i have a great sense of accomplishment when i finish it. xD and yeah, i finally felt the feeling of losing contact to the world for a day, cuz ms lucy f confiscated my handphone!~ haha lol i was like trying to sms during class. so yeah, she muz be not concentrating lah. xp sianz. like felt so empty. 

and the worst thing is, our bio teacher, mr goh pang us for like 3 weeks!? he going reservice i think, now like the crucial period lah. but no choice, government order. crap and tmrw is OLVL BIO SPA SKILL 3, omg damn qiao3 rite?

then juz found out that, the concept of: a thing can be treated as treasure by some, similarly, it could be seen as trash as well. =) applying the theory, a girl or a boy may be damn beautiful or handsome to some, but ugly to others, cuz different people have different taste! haha (shit why am i thinking of this crap at this point of time?) xDD

things are piling up, and im feeling the heat. if you are not, then there is sth wrong. fyi: 4-5 weeks to prelim3; abt 3 months to the 'highly' anticipated "o"

- theres not point dashing towards the finishing line, it only counts when you cross the line.

chma. went chma for the first time in my whole life. and it was seriously damn amazing except for some spoilmoods. woah its like juz a little difference from an actual concert. nice work chs! lol its like so rare for me to say cat high rocks rite! xDD

haha anw to the spoilers part.

1) theres this bunch of retards sitting behind me. and i define them as crazies (a bunch of fools with no brains). seriously lah. wth. they think they own the whole bloody concert hall. zzz they there shouting vulgarities, insulting the performers. the freaking crap thing is there are parents and girls! what the? crap. still got one part i remember, got one shitface (sorry i have to use this word) was like commenting so loudly that the performers were lousy. then after that that same guy sung a song he like. my immediate reaction was >.<"? i feel like bursting out in laughter, but i knw i will get beaten up for sure. xPP its like he sings like some cow mooing away, and there he was commenting abt other's singing. this proves the theory of pot calling the kettle black. lol. and the worst thing is, when he was so excited and engrossed in shouting those crap, he like spilled dont knw thousands of saliva droplets on me. zzz arghhh.

2) simple short and sweet- the group vocal winners dont deserve to win at all. those three people from singapore?, is like. lousier compared to the other 2 grps. and bloody crap i saw one of them dui4 zhui3 lah. noobshit.

and apparently, i juz cant figure out how this guy can so easily distant himself away from us. he is like completely dao us now lah. but i can tell you honestly now, that nobody cares and gives a shit abt it anymore lah. you think we still give a damn. what we did before pop is enough. you want to carry on with your this kind of attitude, be my guest. i wont stop you. cuz well well well, this is your 'personality'. rite? seriously, you think our whole freaking screwed life is born to appease you? who are you? god damn emperor? we have like wasted thousand of hours trying to make you this bloody childish 'kind' less angry. i dont knw this time whats the reason, and precisely, it hasnt have a reason everytime. we, or maybe i, dont need a friend that doesnt treat me as one.

you 

are

becoming

a

joke

in

my

heart,

***** **** **** ***

- 我愛的人, 她已有了愛人

yeah so after ytd's general target. i shall give details! wootz! haha are you excited abt seemingly ridiculous targets? xD

well here i go. 

L1:

English- A2                                       Current: B3

Higher Chinese- A2                         Current: B4

R5:

Biology- A1 (>80)                            Current: A1 75

Chemistry- A1 (>80)                       Current: A1 78

Physics- A1                                        Current: A2

Social Studies- A1                            Current: B3

History Elective- A1                        Current: B4

Pure Geog- B3(best if can A2)       Current: D7

Add Maths- A2                                 Current: C5

E Maths- A2                                      Current: A2

kkay so based on this result, i will get L1R5 8 points. which seems so good to be true rite? xD haha but im not here to talk, im here to dream big and make it happen. 

yeah and anw, there are some subjects that are im not putting in enough effort. for instance, both maths and geog. i can tell you nobody will believe that i was very proficient in these 2 subjects. crap. im letting myself down, cuz i have such good teachers, seriously, they put in so much effort lah. then im here trying to waste their efforts by taking things for granted. zzz i make sure i buck up.

-being able to dream abt achieving something is already making yourself halfway there.

wanted to blog a ytd and the day before, but i guess time didnt permit me to do so. cuz i simply cannot find time? zzz crap. haiz i have no choice. its becoming more of like, if i can have time to come online, i will blog! xD haha thats a promise haha lol =) 

kkay so on monday, i saw this accident that consisted of 9 cars? near lentor that part, it was like causing a huge jam there as drivers were caring too much abt what happen to the cars instead of driving, thats why their speeds were reduced from like 80 to 40km/h? lol what a time to slow down speed rite? zzz nearly late becuz of that lah. xDD then i saw some of the people standing beside the cars were like taking a piece of paper and scribbling notes on it while observing their 'damaged' cars. its really funny, haha are they writing down what to buy for 4-d or toto later? lol what contradicting emotions =DD

anw, i feel so zzz nowadays, its not becuz of anything frustrating, its becuz i dont have enough sleep! lol its like... simple torturous. whenever i see those piles of homework that are blocking my view alr, i feel like sleeping; but when i think of how im gonna get scolded by teachers and how im gonna cry when i get my olvl cert when i dont do them, will like suddenly jerk up and like pia pia pia. zzz crap. my life is not supposed to be like this. 96 days to olvl, what to do? cant give up now, and im not gonna give up. i want to be smiling all the way home when i finish my papers.

yeah then last friday i got my report book. quite dulan. crap. i got 31/38 in class. its bullshit. although it may be the best class, but i also dont want to dian4 di3. i want to silence those people that still think they are so damn great by mocking at me, pissing me off by saying that i copied with the mocking eyes. i hate it.

target for prelim3-------- L1R5 <9

- obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your target.

okay todae was shooting comp finals. we went there with high expectations but we were backed, both dejected and frustrated. maybe it applies only to me particularly, cuz you nvr knw what others are tihnking rite? xDD

but seriously, im not angry with anyone. im serious. whats the point of being pissed off with somebody that doesnt want this kind of thing to happen also? yeah so dont think too much my dear louis! haha xD without any one of us, this team wouldnt be there in the first place. =) what over is over. come on man, we are the national 5th team! there isnt anything bad abt it xD oh yeah, at least we achieve our aim of beating that cocky cyril ting. objective is alr achieved x).

okay but on a more heavier tone?, lol anw, its no point crying over spilled milk. and i get abit frustrated by that. yeah and thats the reason sometimes i get frustrated with myself. why do people (including me) keep lamenting and crying when things get set and cannot be undone? its quite true sometimes lah, juz ask what i told ken and terence before the comp. we wont go far the one, based on the effort we put in. results dont just fall from the sky, one have to earn it. you cant expect your 6A1s to drop from heaven rite? god isnt a charity organization leh.

to add one, if im happy abt the results todae, im deceiving myself. cuz it sucks, and we are capable of so much more. maybe jjuz now i may seem abit pissed, but im juz thinking abt what have we done to reach here, i juz cant force myself to rejoice over the fact that maybe we can get 5th? 6th? 4th? and be able to maybe force myself to think abt where to celebrate later. its no point alr. and todae, 5th position...... is really a gift from heaven cuz we dont deserve it.

- being blessed with talent doesn't necessary give one a right to slacken off over any mode of hardwork.

no title from todae onwards. =P

haha todae so damn waste time in school. cuz half of the time we were either doing selfstudy or sleeping cuz.... teachers nvr come. lol

anw, todae mr tan went thru our combined humanities results analysis. crap. my results are so dman shitty. juz now i when i juz reach home, i went to find my previous exams comb humanities results. its like total ownage. im not trying to haolian or what. but this is seriously unacceptable. it supposed to let me score, and not let me whine over it. zzz looks like i cant afford to lose grip over any subject even for a minute. and there is this shitass in my class. i shall call him !!. he is so damn gl. freak during lesson i put my homework on the table, then !! came and give me that mocking look, and said: eh you copy whose one? fuck i tell you its damn dulan. okay i admit sometimes i copy, so people cant change? omg dont tell me !! dont knw that olvls is in a few months time? like he so damn zai.

on a lighter note, went home with cliff juz now. and i realize he is such a joker, and he claims that he is a serious person. what a joke xD. let me give a few scenarios;
1) on the cab, i sought of like saw ms chow, so i ask him if he saw. then this is his reply: i saw... yeah but actually i nvr lah. when i saw her, she nvr see me. so i turn my body abit, then i nvr see her le. LOL?
2) on the journey, we were discussing abt how to catch mew. then he was trying to catch a abra. he failed, and when he saw a kadabra, he caught it. so i ask if the ultra ball is more efffective with kadabra and not abra. and you knw what he told me? he animated with actions that the abra is too fast, so its impossible to catch... with the crazy sound effects that made me wanted to spit my bread out.

and this list is not exhaustive. oh my god, next time when he tell you that he is a serious person, please kindly be reminded that he is actually telling a joke. LOL!!! =DDD hahahahahaha

- say all the nasty comments and remarks abt a friend of yours, afterwards, look into a mirror and you will find your friend there.

lol

sorry people... haha lol i juz realized from DT and fishball that i have been posting my last 2 posts in egyptian or sth? haha sorrie sorrie i think its some bug from my mozilla. lol i hope the problem is solved. =DD

anw, todae went bowling with fishball and DT (in which i got to knw the prob of my blog). haha it was super fun. cliff got owned. he pumped 180 haha! he virtually lost everygame. my highest score is 173 i think... zzz still cant break my record. when is that day gonna come? will it be when im like 90 years old and awaiting death? haha xDD

ahhh 3+ months to olvl. wth? lol like so fast. and i have fallen victim to the mugging devil. serious. i cant believe i actually did homework until 2am ytd. lol? thats like omg... really unbelievable man. anw, no choice. have to pia pia pia le. no joke. =)

-what you do in the present determines what you are in the future.

...

okay im not gonna talk about my results cuz i juz sucks. lol dman little time left. no time to slack.

juz got a little frustrated and pissed when people, juz keep breaking their promise lah. the soccer team people, wtf? starting like very on like that, zzz then when match come, tell me cant make it. and some i dont even knw the bloody reason. crap you think i like very so damn enthu abt this. everything i settle, juz ask them go bloody raise thier feet to kick the ball, also tell me cant. fuck. dulan leh. if you really cant then say lah, give people false hope for fuck? like that very happy meh? dotz >.<"""

then comes the sad part. todae before i come to school, saw my auntymummy. so i damn surprised, i ask her why she so early like going off alr. then she told me, ber yi passed away after contracting some virus abroad. i was like question marks flying everywhre. in my mind ber yi is like so young. and she was a really nice person. i really treated her as my ber yi lah. then in the end, she pass away. so damn sad, why muz things like this always happen? so i thought that, life is so freaking fragile, unexpected and unpleasant things always happen. and the bloody bad people always dont get affected. haiz, borntoleavethisworld. its so true man.

all in all, rest well ber yi.

- do not wait to strike when the iron is hot; on the other hand, make the iron hot by striking it.

zzz im still hallucinating about wedding, until i like cant concentrate properly lah. sianz i knw im still so dman young for this; but my mind like, once my eyes close, confirm will have some marriage scene come up de. zzz i think i what? drama ah? >.<

okay i got back some of my prelim 2 results. screwed them. wtf how can i get so low for add maths. i feel damn zzz now. seeing people get so high marks. crap like everything also zzz now lah, except maybe weddings! xDDD lol

and juz now go staffroom, also zzz. met mr teo. LOL and he caught me for hair. haiz how unlucky can i get? lol maybe i shld juz go and sleep my day out. =)

-let me indulge in work and studies so that i can stop thinking of those things.

wedding dinner.

yesterday went wedding dinner. i think the name is roy and samantha. haha anw, gratz to them and i hope they can be together forever. =) haha although i dont exactly knw them, okay or i dont even knw them xD. my table all weirdos i can say. got typical singaporeans that think that the whole food is for them only, ahhh nvm.

well well well, can say that i was and i am still very envious of them. like so blissful lah. haiz, haha i can see that they are like so en ai. well arghhh i hope my wedding, no matter how grand or small, will be juz damn en ai and blissful. well i guess its still a long way to go, but juz let me dream a while bah xD

o.0 yeah i juz thought of a question: ask yourself, how many of your friends will come to you and feel with you, when your need them, when you need their help/comfort?

kkay im damn happy that i have solve this crappy thing lah. i really didnt expect us to be like this even for a moment. and i can say im partly at fault for maybe over-reacting. sorry boss, haha hope what dont break us make us stronger. =D

okay and for the otheer guy that is freaking emoing around, my advice is, stop doing that. =) becuz if this goes on for long, you will either realize that the friends around you are all emo and lifeless people or you will have no friends at all. serious. you keep claiming that "i feel left out", wtf? is you yourself that is leaving yourself out. you dont want to join us, is like what the hell lah. okay maybe you have tried, but from my point of view, joining us and emoing there is equivalent to not joining us and leaving yourself out... and i can say i have tried to help you lah. then you give me that fuck reply. seriously damn @#%#%^$^&*^*(*(. if you dont want to help yourself, nobody can. i hope after you read tihs (if you read my blog lah xD), this will give you a wake up call. discover it yourself, and not wait for what manual to live life, thats bullshit lah. zzzz the day that you can stop emoing abt your freaking life that is no different from us is the day that you will open up to us. you think your life sucks, you think ours rock? you think you dont knw how to live life, you think we nvr experience failures and setbacks also?

- what you do now determines what you will be in the future.

bball trg

wow todae damn hardcore. play from 10 to like 5. wtf? hahaha i think got sunburnt and cramps from that lah. xD muz own the area 4 games day

kkay damn shuang that others have to go school and we can slack! haha xD but i damn bu shuang abt one thing- i can alr foresee myself getting screwed by my parents when i get back my results. they alr hinted me. zzzz

i cant describe how much i like you now. im falling into the deap sea of love, and im gonna drown... but i dont want to be saved. xDDDD haha!

- less contact, less friction, less pain.

birthday.

this is the first time in my whole life that i isnt exactly very excited abt my birthday. cuz i knw theres still papers that will screw me up. and it did. add maths paper is like alien language to me, so i dont think i can even get 70/100. yeah crap.

but is really REALLY very happy abt the messages that my friends left me. it is really motivating lah, haha.
last year was a green colour one, this year it is a orange one. =DD with my cute little picture in it! haha xD love it, thanks! =DDDDDDDDDDDD

o.0 yeah, i have decided not to use time, or rather, waste time to be more precise, on this lame thing anymore. i rather not elaborate, and i rather say, " oh nothing has happened" to others, cuz its no point being angry. cuz the kind of hurting feeling caused is enough, and i will try to refrain from being sad and depressed over something that people couldnt care less abt; something that people treat it as a joke.

- i wish for eternity, in the love we share now.

i juz realized, afteer taking like 6 papers, its easier to count how many papers i nvr screw. cuz its a big fat zero. screw all the papers up, either becuz i have no time, or careless, then my precious marks fly away.

the feeling of studying so hard for it, then you face an imminent screw-up marks is really fuck. prelims is meant to boost your ego and confidence? fuck off. study so hard for what? you will get the same marks as those that nvr study, or even less marks than them? wtf is this? so this is what define fairness.

juz to tell you, if you think you have never been a chairman, or rather, OUR chairman before, then i shldnt even be standing there as a NCO in the first place. so stop saying this fucking lame concept that piss me off. cuz its really fucking fuck to see the leader that we depend on at times saying this.

- i need you now, i miss you so much.

bowling comp.

hmmm gonna talk abt friday. which was the bowling comp! =DD

okay early in the morning. supposed to meet at 7.45am. haiz, then as usual, the very small size yibin came at like 8.15 and keep claiming that he wasn't late. >.< haha but nvr mind lah. then got a little pissed/bushuang with the cyril or whatever you spell it. according to reliable sources also known as ken foo, he said their team confirm win us, confirm 1st. lol like challenging us sia. its still okay if they are the 1st in prelims, the problem is we are the 1st! haha sorry if it sounds abit haolian here. xDD

then reach OCC bowling alley to wait and stone. woah the feeling of being in the lanes, waiting for the commencement of the first game is really very stressful. looking at other teams all staring at us. haha so i cannot take it, went up to the supporters area to relax abit with the sec2 supporters, in which i hurriedly did a survey in the position of a bad kid. haha =DD

kkay 1st game started. not gonna blog abt the in between processes. cuz eh if not very long. haha but in general very nervous throughout. cuz apparently my team wasnt really doing very well. in which we lost the first game to RI. got some part dman funny, the cyril or whatever you call it bowled a strike. but it turned out to be a fault or sth, then not counted! LOL joker sia. kkay so 1st game i bowled 145, second game i bowled 165. hmm not bad lah. =D woah then after we finish, RI that team havent finish, so we crowded over to see lor. the last bowler muz be dman stressed cuz we all like staring at him. haha in the end, we won! wootz.

prize ceremony, i can tell you the differences between cat high or even area4 and HCI is dman big. people guess of honour some big guy. ours mr azman ( for CV lah ) okay im not saying mr azman is not big or sth, but...... then their refreshments is some grand buffet. ours is buns. >.< lastly, their prizes like so alot. fyi, i collected 4 trophies. the individuals, team individual, team trophy, and challenge shield. like everything also ahve prize lah. lol damn envious sia xDD

to sum up, personally, i got 5th for individuals and a team individual trophy. the team trophy will be put in store. haha then im gonna bring the gigantic challenge shield to mr goh on monday, lol gonna like attract attention>.<

then after that agreed to meet at 5pm for basketball. so i went home to study while they went wr house to MUG. haha yeah then att around 5.10pm, there was only 4 persons there. so we called lor, and everytime we called, they say 5 more mins. in the end, we abit pissed so we started playing ourselves. but all in all, it was damn nice. its been long since we played like this, and i really wonder, will this be the last time? ='( haha

kkay last but not least, i want to dedicate this bowling comp success to you! =D nothing is possible without you now. =)

- feelings of a toddler, naive of the whole menace and mean world.

its for you

heylo everyone! <----------------- sorry i copied this phrase from bryan tan yi pin. haha lol

anw, i want to dedicate this post to you. haha the special one.
hmmm dont knw how to start leh, juz want to say certain things:

eheh this few years different things occurring at different time muz have confused you alot, making you wonder what is your future and goals. juz telling you that once you have set your mind on a specific target, juz keeping going and running towards it; dont look back cause i have already taken care of it. (haha!) remember that its you who told me not give up de? haha so you muz show me by example mah! dont eva give up k? hmmm its almost one year since you sent me that meaningful card. and i felt really bad last year not to give you the surprise that i intended.. haiz sorry. haha but i bet you didnt knw lah! xD you are one of the forces that is driving me towards my goal. really. haha so we shall jiayou together! =DD

i hope it really helps you.. haha im feeling so helpless lah, not being able to help you. sorry, i failed even as a simple friend. =(

- the marginal line between friendship and love.

haha well.

well well well, since everybody says im emoing or my posts are all emo. i shall post a happy post here! and seriously its not emo lah, its self-relfecting. =)

haha wootz im so excited that prelim2 is drawing near. hmmm 5-6 more days to be exact. lol kkay maybe im have already accepted the fact that im gonna get owned agn, by the hardcore muggers agn.

huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh?

haha basically that sums up my mind's thoughts when im studying. XD

anw im gonna analyze my progress for each different subject:
1) HCL- oh my i juz realize that this is a subject until im blogging this post... haha so errrr
2) EL- lol basically english prelim2 is over le so yeah screwed.
3) SS- hmmm not bad lah. finish revising the whole syllabus le. halfway thru the essays!
4) History Elect- ehh quite good lah. finish all basic stuffs le. in the midst of making notes for each essay!
5) PURE geog- haha lol, errr basically the geog teacher ask us to study on our own. even the basic techniques of answering certain questions i also gong gong de.
6) Addmaths & Emaths- woah i am juz in the midst of paper 1998 for add maths. lol haha havent even finish all the topics in the syllabus. major contributor of my 'huhs'
7) Chem- syllabus almost done, but havent quite started on practising yet.
8) Bio- hmmm the most logical subject bah. easy to comprehend. syllabus finished. woring on answering technques.
9) Physics- woah alot of formulas to remember! some parts quite confusing. muz start practising le!


haha so this sums up my work progress. please note that i included alot of hahas and lols in this post. so this shldnt be a emo post!

- the competition between determination and distractions

did i do the right thing?

hmmm 2 nite ago i did something.. i tihnk its for the good of both of us.

i guess i will or may regret this that action in the future, but im pretty sure that i did the right thing as for now. i juz feel that, seriously, its no point carrying on the friendship if i cant treat you or maybe you both as a real friend of mine.

some people may think that one should increase their number of friends, regardless of whether you really knw that friend or not. they juz want to widen their so called social network, but i think its quite wrong lah. whats the point of having friends when you original intention is juz to have vaguely known friends. i dont want to be these kind of people. (AND IM SERIOUSLY NOT REFERRING TO ANYONE)

its hard be normal friends like this. maybe my surroundings and impressions have caused me to become making this action. i know im being heartless, cold-blooded in some sense. hmmm juz as you have said. im a bad guy, juz continue thinking that im one. really.

if a bear bear or whatever you call it is what you want, and it will really ease the hurt you are feeling, im more than willing to buy you the bear bear, not juz one. sorry that i have to use a harsh tone against you, if not, this thing will nvr end. sorry i juz cant be tht fake to be normal with you.

as much as i wish i can treat you normally, i knw i cant. at least for now.

sorry. really sorry.

- is sorry really a cure?

its missing

im missing. and its missing from my life.

the times when we would celebrate like some crazy dogs after scoring a goal.
the times when we would quarrel over where to eat and settling down at KFC in the end.
the times when we would vent our frustration together.
the times when we would get hounded and scolded by boss.
the times when we would get together and ready for parades.
the times when we would have conflicts and resolve it sooner or later.
the times when we would laugh at each other stupidity.
the times when we would stay till late nites over matters.
the times when we would get pumped together.
the times when we would cry together.

this list is not exhaustive. theres jjuz so many of it.
i miss it. i miss you, 29th batch.

-the line between hero and villian

我是个败类

todae... juz felt so depressed. okay i knw i have been depressing these days. i suddenly knw why people will attempt to commit suicide le

early in the morning, slept like a pig to 10am. then my house phone got spammed. both my parents ask me why i nvr go remedial, lol. this kind of thing, i also nvr intentionally go pon. the schdule there put remdial for 4-5 and 4-10 lah.. zzz then call my parents... wtf? told my father that my maths cant make it or sth. zzz crap. what a great ego booster.

kkay then went inside audi. talk to kb abit. he said a phrase that spark me:败类!.. i begin to ponder. am i really one? coming late to remedial, okay maybe i really deserve this. but it is too sudden to me i tihnk.

bowling comp, tmrw going to train. ken told me he cant go training tmrw cuz he has study grp. then yesterday he actually pon study to go library mug with people like louis lah. obviously i will be pissed abit lah. after a while, in his msg, he told me: okay lah, i going back to focus grp.. i belong there. the home of the losers. kkay, then i feel abit guilty, abit hearfelt that i might have hurt his ego or sth. i persuaded him to go back library with them. cuz library is definitely a better environment to study. seriously. then i got to learn that he was saying im something like xu wei in chinese. meaning very fake.

juz felt quite hurt in some sense. he is truly my very very good friend... i really care. and i get this in reply.
am i really a 败类?

sorry for the emoness. juz felt quite...........

-我是个败类

breaking

the after effects of pop. its abt 4 days from now le. but, whenever i settle down, i ponder abt the times when we were together. when in sch, looking at the plaza, memories start to churn out. haiz, when cna i get over this thing?


Cadet Inspector?
Cadet Inspector?
Cadet Inspector?
Cadet Inspector?
Cadet Inspector?
YES OR NO?
i guess its time to start thinking and make a decision fast.

- time and tide wait for no man

no.

feeling really down. i cant seem to get over it. it juz came so very fast. im left standing there, unable to react at all.

i juz cant say no to not leaving.
these days i can feel that everybody is sad, everyone is beginning to think of the times in store. we are lost now without it.

i have been thinking of this particular phrase, please correct me if i shldnt be thinking of this:
"Cadet Inspector Lim Jun Wei"
wont it be great?

-people only start cherishing after losing precious things.

pop.

100th post! what a way to celebrate man. sorry for the late update. cuz i slept till now, i really think i can take over yibin as the number one pig le. =D

let me recall. 30th may is pop lor. at first had SS remedial, couldnt exactly concentrate cuz... ahh dont knw why also. then went for parade rehearsal lor. was very pissed of by christopher karim, and yeah he is such a.... idiot in some sense, going for great grandfather or sth the birthday, what the hell? told him to inform us early, and this is what we get, nvm forget it. he is such a loser. serious.

then during the rehearsals, the skies were gloomy. and i really sianz becuz of this. then had some headache and the part above my left eye was painful. yeah! then during the actual parade it was sunny! abit too sunny though. haha but it was our very last parade! i can see all eyes were on us. then hand in squadfile. it was really sad and heartbreaking for me. okay i admit i was holding back my emotions= tears. i was abit how to say, my grip on the squadfile was tight at first, but i guess i had to let go. as i approach my goh, i force a smile. i loosen my grip as i gave the file to him. woah really very sad.

then fall in for fancy drill. shouted my lungs out in the unit cheer part and thank the sirs and mdms sincerely. when i threw my beret, i knw instantly, thats its really the end. then took photos lor. used smiles to cover up my sadness.

then went home to bath, dress up abit. and wore my very proud squad jersey to sch. this time the 30th batch seem very prepared, they locked all the doors to the audi lor. haha found no way to go into the audi. then finally its time to go in, we queued up in numerical order. so i was 3rd. the concert was relatively fun. except maybe the games quite de traditional in some sense.i 1st guy to tio the 1st game. lol was musical chair. then i 1st round lost le. zzz then must drink some weird drink. haha lucky nvr get stomachache. then when the sec2s singing until some part, i also forget why. i talking to potato, suddenly the whole 29th batch ask me go up. okay lor haha so went up and sing jie kou. upon the end, they gave me an adidas soccer boots and a key chain for my love one.>.< haha but wnyway thnaks 31st batch! =D love them.

during the concert, the whole 31st batch they all shouted some random name lah. lol haiz they shldnt have. LOL at the end, went up to take my plaque, it wrote: S/Sgt Lim Jun Wei SEC2DI. touching. then concert end went to eat dinner at the canteen, gave 31st batch some pingpong balls that they will understand the real hidden message when they combine them together. its exactly 30 with words. so yeah after clear store, louis and i went to listen to ruijie they all debrief my squad. made me remember that time my 1st time talking to 31st batch. its fast, isnt it.

this para is dedicated to 31st batch:
thank you for everything, in the process of teaching you all, i also learnt and benefited from it; the various skills. i am sorry if i have not been the greatest and best di, but i want you all to continue to learn. we 3 may not be there physically anymore, but we will always be there, mentally. jiayou, one more year and its your turn to lead the unit. i knw you all are capable enough. its sad, but we have to go. =)

to my dearest 29th batch, 3.5 years together. from 27, we have become 20. okay maybe eliminating those that distant themselves from us, left maybe 18? all the hardship we went through together, all the conflicts we had, i guess it had made us stronger? the memories, the times we had together in the unit, i will never forget. its always sad to let go, to leave this unit after so long, but its for the greater good isnt it? those RT times together, i knw it will all be gone. but maybe we can ask boss, to organize sometimes? jiayou 29th batch, i will too. we may not have left a great name, but we have certainly been the best in terms of memories. =)

woah really cannot take it, ytd in the nite, i cried one time when i woke up to go toilet. i cried juz now when i saw the plaque; the uniform etc. its juz too hard to let go isnt it? how many more times i am gonna cry? i dont knw it myself. i really hope time can heal whatever wound. my heart is breaking up into pieces. knowing that we are gonna go different ways, not going out together anymore. i juz feel like crying.

- the power of memories.

24hrs later

24hrs later,
its gonna be an ending of the 29th batch, officially.
i cant take it.
many people told me to juz learn to let go, but its not so easy, especially if you are damn bonded with your own squad. its really fast.

this is what gonna happen tmrw;
1) people change their attitudes towards you, cause you are not influential anymore
2) people stop calling you SIR, though i wish they will continue.
3) ccaless
4) my squad is gonna go different ways

i really hope the above are not true. i dont want it to happen. but i guess theres never a no-ending banquet.

i will miss you 31st batch
i will miss you my squad, 29th batch
i will miss you chsnpcc
for you are the people that shape the way i am todae.

- Once a SIR, Always a SIR

el oral tmrw.

lol short post here, tmrw is el oral, and i have done nothing to sort of like mug for it. so i tihnk im screwed. haha then todae was .22 shooting comps, shoot 144 and i nearly got disfigured, lol i muz complain.! =DDDDD

- no quotes for todae.

competitions

juz had bowling comp on monday. hehehe though i know alot of details, i will not reveal it, muz be more suspicious. but it was VERY VERY surprising, as in the results. haha =DD

then tmrw is shooting comp, last year i 30th. this year, i wanna own. i mean it. i will do my best, trust me. wish me good luck bah. =)

seriously, there is so many description of you:
1) childish
2) bastard
3) dont knw how to admit faults
4) coward
5) asshole
i cant believe im the one saying this lah, thinking of you makes my blood boil these days. you are juz trying to spoil our perfect ending. dont you think, you are a snobbish piece of crap, please, its your fault also. dont make it look as if, everytimes its the others fault. you juz dont knw how to say sorry isnt it?

POP is the last straw.

- people are afraid of losing what they get, they do not realize, that being afraid of losing makes them lose even more.

what a joke.

this is seriously a joke. or shall i say, i hope its a joke.

1 week from POP. this is what happened.
i really dont understand
i really dont understand
i really dont understand
i really dont understand
i really dont understand

please enlighten me. so this is the pleasant and dramatic ending we are asking for?

ytd. the gastric was miserable. but my mind was in a more miserable state. first time had gastric. puke out some greenish stuff. zzzz if all my suffering is enough for you to come back to us, im more than willing to do it. i stayed for 4 hrs when we could all be enjoying our last dinner together. and you freaking juz stone there. the 4 hrs of stay meant that i nvr eaten anything for 12 hours. its terrible.

but i can really see the bond that we have. i can see so many people caring for me ytd, worried abt my gastric lah... seriously, you all are the best people i would ever wish to have.

countdown to pop: 6 days

- this is more dramatic than any drama.

im a fool.

if you are a person that cannot stand vulgarities, you can click on the X button at the top right hand corner of your screen NOW.

okay i shall continue. todae was a lousy day for me. i juz felt so frustrated for the whole day.

wasnt exactly feeling very okay alr in the morning, cuz my throat damn pain. my head damn pain. but nvr mind, i still can take it.

fuck then recess came. what the hell. they reading some of the forms submitted by the cadets. then suddenly i heard one phrase: " your drills very zai meh? then why you cannot get 1st class?" WHAT THE FUCK? i dont care who said it lah.

here i am trying very hard to forget the whole shit. there they are trying to ensure that i dont forget. fine lah, basket im lousy can? im not fit to be DI lah. arghhh i shld have knew it long ago, this kind of thing will surely happen de.

if you think 1st class is no big deal, im telling you now that it meant a big deal to me.
if you think i have gotten over it, im juz putting a false front.
if you think i am not fit to be a DI, juz feedback to upstairs and strip me.
if you think its juz a small minor thing, you are so damn fucking wrong.

fine fine fine, no 1st class... im a lousy crap. happy? shiok?
after you are done being happy and shiok over the that fact, fuck off. seriously, juz fuck off.

- the feeling of being pushed to hell.

sorry for the lack of update.

heylo. gonna leave my 100th post for POP! =D

wootz and guess what, im down with fever. and im blogging! haha can see my passion for blogging rite? haha missed my .22 revolver trg becuz of this. lol

juz saw chsnpcc website. felt like a fool- when the hell did zhengqian get selected for the what overseas trip? what the? .... i bet none of the squadleaders know of this lah? maybe even the chairman also? crap utter disrespected, at least have the courtesy to inform us beforehand even if you dont want to discuss with us. yeah yeah maybe we are nothing afterall, right from the start.

highly anticipating the class between 28th batch and 29th batch.
here are the confirmed team:
1) Lim Jun Wei
2) Terence Lim
3) Clifton Tan
4) Benjamin Lee
5) Peh Ming Hao
6) Seah YiBin
7) Jason Quek
8) Wong Yong Jie

then the ken and leonard i also dont knw them haha lol. they are noncommital yet.

the tactics and formation will be revealed soon. it will be 7v7, with or without keeper included.

- give a man a fish; you have fed him for a day. teach a man to fish; you have fed him for a lifetime.

NO TITLE.

give up trying to name a title for each post le... haha cause really no ideas liao.

these few days were freaking pissed off at times and freaking happy at other times too!.... there is this guy from sec2 that is boiling me off... like damn irrcorrigible... why do we have to work so hard for someone that dont even care... i wasted my time trying to talk some senses into his head. all he knows is to give me empty promises like promising to bring his boots to me HIMSELF the next day... he never lah (obviously) lol. 'i deliberately want to skip it'... this was what that guy told me.. is like what the? freaking irresponsible; freaking disrespectful; bloody waste of my time. come on lah... we are doing this for you leh! if you dont want to change, we cant change... you shall juz remain like this forever. you think everybody will care so much like us?

okay then ytd played soccer like the whole day. was quite pleasing. scored 3 and set up 2 assists. got one time damn funny. i told yibin that i damn tired le... legs gonna cramp soon.. not gonna run for a while le... lol and guess what happen? hahaha terence pointed to a spot and ask me to run before crossing the ball to me... haha the worst part is.. lol i actually dribbled past 5 defenders.. haha not trying haolian or what.. i dont knw how i do it also.. hehe. i really think jasper tan jian ming is my curse lor. haha everytime played with him sure got something happened between he and i. lol ytd i dash past him then the next thing that happened was i got sliding tackled. it was such a awkward ankle that i nearly broke my leg. luckily nvr. juz landed painfully on my butt lol. haha dman pain now. zzz like the feeling of cramping everytime i walk.. lol

things really dont go 29th batch, isnt it?
1) 28th Batch POP rain..
2) 1st Muster Parade rain...
3) NPCC Day Parade rain....!
what the? seems like we have a great affinty with rain. =/

(okay this was what i wanted to type early in the morning at 5.30am until my mom came nagging at me to go to school)

kkay more abt today. somehow, todae was really a zombie day for me. i was brain dead for most of the lessons. struggling hard to pull my eyelids apart. it sucks, the feeling sucks.

yeah then after school had mock add maths paper 2 aka stoning session for me. its really gg. im a goner. i like 6 whole qns dont know how to do! fish! really sorry to mrs tan.... maybe i was really not paying enough attention during class. sorry. i need help in maths! =(((((

- what is the difference between a leader and a boss.?

meaning.

juz now was busy doing homework... while listening to my mp4. then realize in details that this song fits perfectly what we are thinking rite now... its like so real. okay the song is Graduation (friends forever) Song by Vitamin C... let me show you the lyrics, the bold and italic parts are the thoughts we are feeling.

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of the night in June
I Didn't know much of love, but it came too soon
And There was me and you, and then it got real blue
Stay at home talkin' on the telephone and
We would get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

Chorus:
As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, from whatever
We will still be, friends forever

So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money
When we look back now, will that joke still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

Repeat chorus

La, la, la, la; yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la, we will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there? Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

Repeat chorus x3

haiz.. feeling damn depressed now.

- often, people always get jealous of polar bears, becuz they can enjoy snow.. but they nvr realize that is the only thing polar bears have.

trg

heylo everyone<------ BRYAN TAN. lol i know it sounds like fishball head, but who cares xD

yeah so basically had trg yesterday, wanted to clear their doubts for uniform inspection... but it turned out to be less fruitful as i tot... cuz people were listening without copying anything, as if they have photographic memory. it left me, both pissed and freaking sad. maybe they are really signalling to me that its really time for me to go, im juz gonna be no shit to them. was really sad but i didnt show it. i put that smile on my face. cuz a leader shouldnt be emo, even if you are not treated like one. =) nvm.. 28 days more. what a joke am i becoming? maybe shitty crap is the word used to describe me now..... they are telling me they dont need me anymore.

as someone told me, i have been very less sadistic as compared to the time when i took them as IC. i didnt want sec2 life for the cadets to be hell. it shldnt be those sadistic trg that forces people to quit... thats not i want... but things are proving to me tt im failing my experiment.. sometimes you juz cannot be good. some times you juz cannot close one eye.. people often say, whats the point of picking on tiny little details? so i juz close my eyes, sometimes both eyes shut... i am willing to, if things get better, but things like forgetting to bring your uniform parts for nearly like 3 months is really unacceptable... keeping an eye close doesnt mean we are unaware.. =( but for god sake, who cares abt what the shit am i tlaking rite now, they are so oblivious.. they simply think its a joke, dont they?

- seemingly realizing, life is meaningless without you now

Haircheck.

monday was haircheck... and apparently i passed.... its not becuz of some bribery or what k? its purely becuz my hair is like damn freaking short. i dont understand whhy people are SO amazed by me passing lah, its damn normal can?i went to cut my hair then people say i nvr cut at all... sometimes you need a little tactic though, for example, how you face the teacher when you hair is checked xD

o.0 yeah, i will like to let out a warning:
DONT EVER MEDDLE WITH MY HAIR
cuz i get freaking pissed when people mess up my hair, its not becuz it doesnt look good, its abt the feeling that is so damn uncomfortable. =(

hmmm these days got banned from comp becuz of one stupid reason... zzz dont wish to say cuz its really retarded that you will laugh at me.. =/ lol yeah so rarely update these days.. unless i really got something special to say =D haha anyway tmrw is npcc day rehearsal.. yeah! have chance to execute drill cane drills so happy lor =) lol then the bryan go ask me polish up my........ erm yeah sensored lol.... like what for? haha nvm lah see my mood first xD

o.o yeah yesterday went some sc centre lol... they took away the mirror maze.. crap thats like the highlight of the whole centre lah! =( zzz then terence tried to act like a monkey by hanging on to a bar that was less than 1 metre high and got himself injured lol haha. then i tot that the fake tv screen could be adjusted, so i went to press the button... which was fake lol super retarded xD

zzz still have chinese compo to do... muz concetrate le bye! =D

- i wish i could say i like you

popping soon..

heylo everyone... todae was a very fruitful but tiring day for me... today had emo talk with virtually the whole squad. it was really fruitful, cuz we juz blurted out what we are not happy abt. it was really emotional, with alot of people breaking down, i nearly broke too, but i somehow held back. hope this session really brings us back together as one, and not be break apart with 1 month left to go. we come as one, we leave as one... dont wish to elaborate abt the details of the talk, cuz its supposed to be private.

people's perception: a zai or legendary squad is about being tip-top in events you organize, for example, xity venture or whatever shit... but for me, the most impt thing a zai squad shld have, is squad unity... no matter how screwed our planning of events are, no matter how screwed are we in others minds, at least we will be able to brave thru anything. thats what we were all time trying to achieve, arent we? people may say we anti-social, but thats us, we do things together.

didnt add in alot of things, cuz i think the mood is not right anymore. i juz want to say that, its normal tt people suan.. it the same to me.. people always call me bugs bunny or sth... i juz simply laugh it off.. i dont want to take offence, i dont want to emo becuz of that, cuz it will hurt our friendships, in the first place, they didnt mean any harm on purpose. at first, i cant take it. but after these few years, i feel its nothing compared to the friendship we have, if everytime talk, also muz be very serious, then life will suck completely. i have learnt to see and take things openly le, i hope it applies to you also. juz look on the bright side of life and everything will be fine.

yeah then its abt the first class. potato said that first class means no shit, it cant give you a living. but i feel, as DI with the passion area being drills, it means a great deal. hearing him say tt, it hurts a great deal. i may appear to be fine on the surface, but in my heart, its a big hole leaking, and its not stopping. i need time. for a DI to get over this, it needs loads. in front of you all, i may appear to get over it le, but i can guarantee one thing, its not that easy, i juz don't want you'all to see me emoing over that. i dont want to spoil the mood... as i said, i juz cant emo in front of you'all. its juz not me, is it? my impression is cheerful and happy, and i will not change it.

haha you may not think that im not that kind of person tt think alot, but... when im alone, i tihnk a lot. i reflect, on my own actions. yeah and i meant what i said juz now, if god wants me to sacrifice my 1st class for our frendships, i will do so without hesitation.. lol but i guess i have no right to say these stuffs now, cuz i have not even manage to attain the badge.

sorry for my this super long and emo post... but this is the only way to write i feel now.

-the ending means the beginning of a new chapter.